Raising Myself: The Tarbiya of Self

When no one is there to guide you, you become your own teacher.

Growing up, I thought someone would always be there to guide me. I didn't know that one day, I would have to become my own teacher.

This is what "Tarbiyah of Self" means to me.

When the Guidance Became Quiet

There was a time when life had clear rules. I was reminded to pray. I was told to choose my words carefully. I was taught what is right and what is wrong.

I did not always appreciate it then, but I was safe. Someone was watching. Someone was correcting.

Then life changed. The reminders became fewer. The voices that once guided me were no longer there every day. Without those reminders, it would've been easy to skip Fajr. To waste hours on my phone. Wear a hijab and still judge others.

That's when I realized the responsibility had shifted. I had to take control of my nafs.

The work of Tarbiyah did not end. It was placed in my own hands.

That is when the real test began.

The Quiet Battles

Raising myself is not about big achievements. It is about small, daily choices that no one sees. It is waking up for Fajr when sleep feels heavier, and my body is begging for "5 more minutes." It is making wudu with cold water when my body wants to stay in bed.

It is closing an app because I know it drains me, even if I open it again later.

It is asking for forgiveness for the same mistakes and still hoping Allah accepts me.

The hardest part is not the mistakes themselves. The hardest part is what comes after.

The voice in my head used to say, "You failed. You are not good enough."

I am learning a new voice now. One that says, "You slipped. Get up. Allah loves those who return to Him."

The Nights That Teach Me

Some of the most important lessons happen at 2 AM. When my chest feels heavy, and my thoughts are loud. When there is no one to talk to, that's when I go and make wudu. Not because I am perfect, but because I am desperate, because I need to put my head on the ground and talk to the One who listens.

In those moments I remember Allah is Ar-Rahman before He is Al-Qahhar. If He is gentle with me, why should I be harsh with myself?

The Prophet Muhammad SAW said, "Your body has a right over you."

So I am learning to take rest, eat healthily, and take care of myself because neglecting myself is not piety. Taking care of myself is also worship.

Who Is Responsible Now?

We talk a lot about raising children. We read books, attend talks, and make plans, but who raises the young adult who is now responsible for her own soul?

I do.

And I am not a perfect teacher. I skip lessons. I repeat mistakes, but I am the only teacher I have, so I don't give up.

I remind myself of the words I grew up hearing: "Allah sees you wherever you are. Be someone you are proud of."

Where Healing and Faith Meet

Raising myself taught me something important.

My mental well-being and my faith are not different things. Healing happens in sujood. Confidence grows when I keep the small promises I make to myself. Identity is built in the quiet choices that no one claps for. I am still learning. Some days I am consistent, some days I am not. But I am no longer waiting for someone else to do this work for me. Because if I do not raise myself with mercy and patience, who will?